beautifulnightmare's Blog

I did it!

However confusing the poem might be... I still got my feelings out in the form of a poem. It took me a long time, my brain kept freezing. It was like, I knew what I was feeling, but I couldnt form those feelings into comprehensible thoughts to put into a poem.

But I tried, and I know it isnt very good... but maybe it wont be so hard next time. i really hope i will be able to start writing poetry again.

Anyway... if interested, look for my poem in the "i write poetry" group.

I think I am going to make a break through. I am going to sit here and force myself to write. (Well, not actually force myself to be creative, but I will have to force myself to put it in writing form.)

And not write just anything, but a poem that reflects how I feel.

Hopefully I can collect my thoughts and feelings, and make this work.

I'll be sure to share the results later.

So I know I have been gone for a while. And before that I wasn't really sharing anything in any of the groups I am a member of. Things have just been so insane lately. Every time it seems like maybe things will get easier, something new goes wrong. But hopefully this time, it will actually get better. Especially if I can keep control over my depression, mood swings, and impulses.

On a lighter note tho, my sister had her baby. A lil boy. He is really cute, but he deffinately needs to grow into his name. Bryndan Marius Atreyu Palmer. lol. He was 6 lbs 11 ounces and 18 and a half inches long. Born May 21st.

So theres why I haven't been around for a while. But now I am back, and hopefully I will be able to write more, and get past my writer's block. I really need to get past that. Especially if I am gonna finish my class any time soon.

Just thought I would update those who are interested...

No, I havent thought of any more stories to share, and I still have bad writer's block.

Things still suck on my end. No money, and no clue how I will survive.

I am still making irresponsible decisions... But at this point, I have no choice... the only way we can survive is to spend money we dont have.

I wish I could just run away... I just want to disappear.

I would post more stories in the groups I have joined...

But I fear I may have run out of things to say for now...

I have only had one hour of sleep in the past 24+ hours...

And just in the past 7 hours... I have been insulted, had plans ruined, and had to deal with an insensitve jerk of a boyfriend.

I stayed up all night, because he had a high fever, and I was worried about him. So I checked on him every couple hours. I got no sleep cuz of it. I had to  go to a baby shower this morning, where the gift I bought for my sister was insulted, made to look inadequate... Then my grandmother decided even tho she agreed to watch the baby for the weekend, that I needed to come get the baby, so she could go sit in a car for 3 hours. So I had to cancel plans I had already made with friends. And I had to drag a six month old around while I ran errands in high 90* temps. But to top it all off... my boyfriend, who I spent all night worrying over... can't even be sensitive enough to realize I've had no sleep and I am going to be very irritable.

I guess it is just too much to ask for him to be sensitive enough to realize how I feel, and to ignore any snaps I make at him. Its too much for him to just take it in stride, and forget about it. No, he has to argue back, and make me feel even worse. He has to make me feel even more like a horrible person. He cant just fucking be patient with me!!!

I am bored, and a lil depressed...

Well, not so much depressed, just really blah.

I dunno what to do, dunno what to write... Dunno what to say...

I feel like a piece of the background....

well... I went to write a blog... got up to get a drink... and then my mind went blank...

How wonderful

For a while now, I have been looking for somewhere, a place I can actually belong. A place where I don't have to worry who reads what I write. Where I don't have to worry if someone gets offended at something I say.

It is so hard to meet people who like you for you, because eveyone wants to be so judgemental...

I think I will like this site tho. I can be myself, and share true things about myself, without any worries.

Basically; right now my mind is racing with all the things I want to say... It would take me a long time to calm my thoughts enough to organize them into coherent blogs. But I will try...